Do you think I unbecame a mother when my baby died? At what moment was my title removed? With my child’s last breath? The last beat of his heart?When the doctor called his death? While I held my child’s cold still body, when I dressed […]
learning to parent my missing child
Life after Loss
Heading into 2019 the grief that carried us into 2018 is still very much there, still quite raw, ever present bubbling away below the surface but whereas last year it contained mainly sadness and pain it is now softened slightly by the happy memories we have made during this first year as a family of three, memories of the ways Henry has been remembered and celebrated and included and the love that has surrounded our family and bound us together. In 2019 we will meet Henry’s sibling and begin our life as a family of four; this will be the start of another parenting journey, hopefully a slightly different one where we get to parent a living child alongside Henry. Henry’s death and his physical absence is a massive crack in our family, and always will be, but he is the light that shines through that crack and he is the reason we have survived our first year as parents. 2017 was definitely his year but 2018 has been his too and so 2019 also will be.