On our first Christmas after Henry died my hand hovered while signing Christmas cards, it felt odd writing his name when he wasn’t here but it felt downright wrong not to and so I added his name after ours. I’ve continued to write his name […]
learning to parent my missing child
Earlier in October I spoke to healthcare professionals about Henry and my experience as a bereaved parent at a bereavement care and memory making study day run by Beyond Bea Charity. There are so many things I could have spoken about so I focused on […]
Earlier this week we took Merryn to hospital with a bump on the head. Before we could leave she had to be checked over by a consultant paediatrician; I believe this is standard practice for child protection reasons with young, non-crawling babies presenting in A&E […]
Last Saturday I attended Baby Loss Hour Live Leeds for an evening of conversation with other baby loss parents on my favourite topic of, you’ve guessed it, baby loss! This live event has evolved from the weekly #babylosshourchat on twitter, a space for anyone affected […]
Heading into 2019 the grief that carried us into 2018 is still very much there, still quite raw, ever present bubbling away below the surface but whereas last year it contained mainly sadness and pain it is now softened slightly by the happy memories we have made during this first year as a family of three, memories of the ways Henry has been remembered and celebrated and included and the love that has surrounded our family and bound us together. In 2019 we will meet Henry’s sibling and begin our life as a family of four; this will be the start of another parenting journey, hopefully a slightly different one where we get to parent a living child alongside Henry. Henry’s death and his physical absence is a massive crack in our family, and always will be, but he is the light that shines through that crack and he is the reason we have survived our first year as parents. 2017 was definitely his year but 2018 has been his too and so 2019 also will be.
During October I took part in Capture your Grief, a worldwide 31 day photo project to help bereaved parents mindfully explore their grief. I wrote something most days and posted to Instagram on about half the days. Here are some of my thoughts around the […]