On our first Christmas after Henry died my hand hovered while signing Christmas cards, it felt odd writing his name when he wasn’t here but it felt downright wrong not to and so I added his name after ours. I’ve continued to write his name […]
Earlier in October I spoke to healthcare professionals about Henry and my experience as a bereaved parent at a bereavement care and memory making study day run by Beyond Bea Charity. There are so many things I could have spoken about so I focused on […]
Last Saturday I attended Baby Loss Hour Live Leeds for an evening of conversation with other baby loss parents on my favourite topic of, you’ve guessed it, baby loss! This live event has evolved from the weekly #babylosshourchat on twitter, a space for anyone affected […]
Earlier this week I featured in an article in the Guardian talking about why I donated my wedding dress to be turned into funeral gowns for babies. Very soon after he died Henry had to go away to another hospital for a post-mortem, when he […]
Things have been a little quiet on this blog lately. I’ve been trying to write something for months but with the birth of our second child, Henry’s little sister Merryn, earlier this year I haven’t known where to start. When I was pregnant with Henry […]
Do you think I unbecame a mother when my baby died? At what moment was my title removed? With my child’s last breath? The last beat of his heart?When the doctor called his death? While I held my child’s cold still body, when I dressed […]
Heading into 2019 the grief that carried us into 2018 is still very much there, still quite raw, ever present bubbling away below the surface but whereas last year it contained mainly sadness and pain it is now softened slightly by the happy memories we have made during this first year as a family of three, memories of the ways Henry has been remembered and celebrated and included and the love that has surrounded our family and bound us together. In 2019 we will meet Henry’s sibling and begin our life as a family of four; this will be the start of another parenting journey, hopefully a slightly different one where we get to parent a living child alongside Henry. Henry’s death and his physical absence is a massive crack in our family, and always will be, but he is the light that shines through that crack and he is the reason we have survived our first year as parents. 2017 was definitely his year but 2018 has been his too and so 2019 also will be.
During a conversation with a friend a little while ago while talking about normal inconsequential things the conversation turned to pets, my friend commented that if we were going to get a dog this time now before children would be the best time to do […]
I’ve just watched the sun rise. I didn’t mean to but as I lay awake in bed watching the room steadily lightening I gave up sleep as a lost cause and went to watch the new day in. One quirk of our home is that […]
I am becoming an expert in not quite telling the whole truth. When Henry died I promised him I would never deny his existence. I absolutely love sharing him with the world and am so, so proud of him but sometimes I can’t face telling people he’s […]